| Writing thoughts... |
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July 6th, 2009 @ 11:19am
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mood |
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 optimistic |
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I really want to finish this short story I started writing yesterday. And I would love to continue working on my novel. So why am I sitting here writing THIS instead? I really, really want to write and I think about it a lot, but I just... don't do it.
I haven't written on my novel in a month now. Mostly it was because of my exams, but they are over now! FINALLY!
I don't have a writer's block. Maybe it's because of the many ideas that are constantly floating around in my head. I try to write them all down and see if they fit in the plot. Or maybe it's because I'm such a perfectionist and my high expectations towards myself makes it difficult to get started.
Or maybe I should just slap myself very hard and get started already!
I've been thinking about taking a writing course. I really loved being at the writing school back then, and I miss the assignments and feedback.
I know a girl who has just got her novel published. How awesome is that? I can't wait to finish my novel and send it to a publisher. That made me really glad I'm living in Denmark. It's a lot easier to get published here than in the US. We don't have literary agents or anything like that!
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| procrastination... |
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June 30th, 2009 @ 9:09pm
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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Better Together--Jack Johnson |
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I should be writing a paper on Mark Twain and Huck Finn and all that fun stuff my American Literature II Professor was going on about today. I should definately be doing that. Instead, I'm sitting here, listening to some happy, summer music and writing in my much neglected LJ. I'm also considering playing some Mahjong in a bit. How very educational of me.
Anyways, I just thought I'd share my moment of intense lack of motivation with the cyber world. Enjoy, Embrace, Immitate.
- B.
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| Summer Drive Song by Backseat Goodbye |
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June 30th, 2009 @ 8:55pm
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mood |
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 mellow |
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I bought a new life for $1.25
and some sunglasses too
It isn't easy growing up here
But don't take my advice
I'm not the best with words
And I can't read minds anymore
The traffic in this town is really pissing me off
The people here don't ever like to sing in their cars
They just turn their radios up to drown out their thoughts
California sunshine and Tennessee rain
I'm an East Coast kid with a West Coast way
And I don't mind the weather but I hate the way it has to change
Making out to mixtapes with Limbeck, Katrina and The Waves
Did I mention how I used to hate that song
Before I met that girl that was in love with The Beatles
California girls wear their sunglasses at night
Turns outs that Tom was right
All the vampires hangout on Ventura Boulevard
Uptown girls like to go down on the boys
That pretend they don't listen to the radio
The people inside hate the people outside
And the people outside are too drunk to care
Yeah the people outside are too drunk to care
California sunshine and Tennessee rain
I'm an East Coast kid with a West Coast way
And I don't mind the weather but I hate the way it has to change
Making out to mixtapes with Limbeck, Katrina and The Waves
Did I mention how I used to hate that song
Before I met that girl that was in love with The Beatles
I kinda like it when you don't remember my name
I'm just another face to forget
Hey what time did you say that the end is coming?
I'm not sure if I'm ready yet
California sunshine and Tennessee rain
I'm an East Coast kid with a West Coast way
And I don't mind the weather but I hate the way it has to change
Making out to mixtapes with Limbeck, Katrina and The Waves
Did I mention how I used to hate that song
Before I met that girl that was in love with The Beatles
And did I mention that sometimes I'm not right?
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| When did my life turn into Grey's Anatomy reruns...? |
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June 30th, 2009 @ 1:14am
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mood |
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crazy |
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music |
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Taylor Swift--Forever and Always |
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I should use this more often. I might feel less repressed... or frustrated... or confused... if only I'd just get it all out there, in the open. Rip the bandage, no anesthesia.
If you can't tell, I've been watching a LOT of Grey's Anatomy lately. It's my guilty pleasure and since I now own all of the released season DVDs, I've been reminiscing. And I must say I remember why I loved season three so much. Can anyone say McSteamy? Lol.
I know I'm crazy, sorry. But season DVDs are definately a good way to distract me from my internal chaos. They make drugs for everything these days. Maybe I should go Google something.
My boyfriend comes home from Iraq on Saturday. In a normal situation, this would be a time for rejoicing. But my boyfriend has this little problem called a wife... soon to be exwife but still, a legally binding wife nonetheless. Here's the problem with watching too much Grey's Anatomy... Derek picks Addison. Derek is in love with Meredith but he picks Addison first. And I don't think I can handle it like she does. I'm a 19 year old girl with a job and school and I'm trying to find a car. I can't indulge in tequilla and boys. I have to stay sane and levelheaded. But that's pretty hard because I don't have good precedent with boys.
That's where Justin comes into play. He's the root of the insecurities. And I'm not too sure who he is in the show but just... ignore the analogy now, I guess. Justin was the first guy to tell me he loved me. He was the first guy I loved. And the problem with that is that he could only tell me he loved me, could only call me, could only act like I mattered when he was drunk. How am I supposed to feel about the person I loved the most only being able to love me when he's drunk?
Then I question when I became that girl? The girl who based her happiness on the presence or lack there of a guy. Why do I let the male species decide my contentment? I'm not that girl. I'm not supposed to be that girl. Sure, I've got daddy issues and friendship issues and chronic commitmentphobia. But I'm not that girl who needs someone to love her to be happy. Those girls are my friends, not me.
So here's the thing... I'm going to try to turn over a new leaf. I'm going to decide what I want to do with my life. I'm going to be honest, with myself and others, and I'm going to do it the right way. I'm going to read and write and sing and laugh and enjoy that fact that I'm a 19 year old girl with my life ahead of me. Boys shouldn't dictate my life. And neither should anything else. I'm my own person. That's it, the end, end of story.
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